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[tactical_alert]

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[goddamngrenades]

But you stepped up. That's the thing here. [ He churls his arm tighter around Malcolm for a second, a one armed squeeze. ] You really don't think much of that at all, do you?

[tactical_alert]

I do my job. I've gotten more liberal with interpreting or ignoring orders, though not as much as some. The last one was much more selfish on my part, but he was also doing good work behind the scenes of the war.

[goddamngrenades]

You've never really talked about the war. Who were we up against?

[tactical_alert]

A race of aliens who were secretive, territorial expansionists. And it took a united front to take them down. No easy task in the rocky-at-best political climate.

[goddamngrenades]

That sounds rough. And you were on your maiden voyage when this all went down?

[tactical_alert]

We'd already had many years to establish ourselves as a seasoned crew. Despite a number of rough spots along the way.

[goddamngrenades]

Tell me about them? I've heard bits here and there but I'd like to know more. If you're willing to share.

[tactical_alert]

[He leans back with a small sigh.] I hardly know where to start. We were plagued with problems the moment we left spacedock. We got caught up in what some called a temporal cold war, which is the reason meeting people from other times doesn't exactly bother me; I'm a little bit used to it. The simple version, if there is one, is that a number of factions with the ability to travel in time attempted to alter the timeline as they saw fit, and others tried to stop them.

Every other race we bumped into were hard to get to know, if not outright hostile, or at least it seemed that way to me. Questions of when and where we should interfere or not. Mounting tensions between two long hostile races we were trying to be allies with. A lot of...nonsense with some races. When we got into our third year, a species we'd never heard of sent a probe to Earth that killed seven million people, and we had to fly into an extremely dangerous and unmapped by our allies region of space, alone, with no idea where we were going or who we were looking for other than a name, to try and stop a massive planet-destroying weapon they were building. That was a difficult year, to say the least.

I could go on. Issues with trying to make nice with the Klingons, issues with the Vulcan government, issues with our own people, attempting to broker peace between four different species, including ours, in a coalition. Increased hostile activity from the Romulans--oh, they were the lovely fellows who had a cloaked minefield where I almost lost my leg--which the Coalition tried to ignore because they were sneaky bastards who didn't leave much proof behind. Coridan Prime. The Kobayashi Maru. Columbia. Everything that led up to the official declaration of war with the Romulans.

[He looks tired. Beer? Beer. That will help. Malcolm shakes his head as if to clear it.] I'm not going to say all of our decisions through the years were the right ones, but we were the only human explorers out there just trying to figure out the unknown spaces around us. We could only do what we thought was best with the information and means that we had. So yes, we had an exciting many years before the war.

[goddamngrenades]

[ Beer? Beer. Beer and a slice of pizza and oh god damn that is-

How does he respond to all of that? He can't. Not really. That's a war that's worth fighting. Not at all what he got caught up in with the Director. A war that meant something. There's-

he doesn't know what to do. other than listen. Other than pull Malcolm close after with both arms and hold him because he can't change what's happened. He can just...make it a little less awful to think of, maybe. ]

Jesus christ, Mal.

[tactical_alert]

It must not sound that bad with the vague way I put everything. Must not make any sense out of context. [He'll take that hold, though. Lean on York some. That's nice. Warm. Safe.] I'd go into details, but I wouldn't want to ruin the evening.

[goddamngrenades]

Tell me about something else, then. Something good. Your crew?

[ That's got to be better than all that rough. Here he was bitching about his bullshit more often than not and Mal's nodded along without once saying it's bullshit. Go he's lucky. ]

[tactical_alert]

[Well, 'I was part of a programme to end a decades long war and got used and fucked up and everyone rebelled and/or died and/or was tortured to craziness' is not at all bullshit.]

Captain Archer is an upstanding officer with a good heart and more grace for diplomacy than he gives himself credit for. Wings it more often than I'd like. Doesn't like being called Commodore when he's in charge of a fleet, but some of us insisted. [Look, it's the proper name, all right?] Commander T'Pol, she's Vulcan, Delta would like her. Has been dealing with our human emotions and her own emotional state with little ease, but she's admirable for her dedication to our cause at the cost of her job back home.

Commander Tucker. [There's a short pause. How much does he say, and how much does he keep to himself?] Our chief engineer for many years. Southern and easygoing and stubborn as a bloody mule. Not very unlike you in many ways. Lieutenant Sato, our lady of communications. She's been through quite a bit and still comes up fighting. She's grown perhaps the most of all of us. Seems demure at first, but don't let that fool you. Lieutenant Mayweather, our pilot for many years who left for personal reason but returned just when we needed him, practically a kid when he joined. Grew up on a freighter and had a good deal of knowledge from all the trading routes. Lighthearted, usually. Doctor Phlox is our CMO, a Denobulan. His version of medicine focused much less on technology and more on...more natural remedies. Jovial in a good mood, grave in a bad mood, and always more curious about humans than was ever very comfortable, but he knew what he was doing.

[goddamngrenades]

Alright now...

[ He turns enough to nuzzle into Malcolm's hair. ]

Now tell me your personal thoughts on them rather than giv'n me a debrief. These are your crew, right? Your family. It's okay to have opinions on family.

[tactical_alert]

[A short frown.] I never indicated it wasn't okay. They're family, and I enjoy being around them in their ups and downs.

[goddamngrenades]

It's okay to talk about your opinions short of 'that is a dumb idea and will get us all killed' and 'I like explosions'. [ He kisses Malcolm's temple to ease some of the potential sting. ] Talk to me. How did you feel about them?

[tactical_alert]

[A lick of his lips, then. He's never been good at expressing his opinions outside of a professional setting.] I'm not sure where to start.

The captain's a good leader who's much more casual than I first enjoyed, which we've talked about. Still has perks. T'Pol is someone I always admired for how she carries herself. Trip's my best friend, so of course I like him a good deal, and when we fight, we fight hard. Hoshi's adorable and friendly, Travis is bright but could use more discipline sometimes, Phlox is a bit unnerving but a very good source of advice and someone who fancies himself unofficial counselor.

[goddamngrenades]

[ See that wasn't so hard. York peels a large hunk of pineapple off one of the slices of pizza and offers it to Mal.

His hand, not his mouth, they're not at that stage yet. Or ever. ]

They sound like good people.

[tactical_alert]

They are.

[Why is he just holding it. Why isn't York eating it. Is it an offer? Does he think he doesn't have enough pineapple on his slice? Malcolm plucks it out of York's hand. Well if he's not going to eat it...he puts it on his next bite of pizza. There. Problem solved.]

[goddamngrenades]

Anything you want to know about me that you already don't?

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Your family. Er, blood family, that is.

[goddamngrenades]

Not much to tell. Mom and Dad both worked a lot. As soon as it was safe to leave me at home after school to handle myself they kind of did. Dad was an engineer and mom took care of logistics for some part of the military, I can't remember.

[tactical_alert]

Did you get along?

[goddamngrenades]

For the most part, yeah. They were just busy. War was on, all that. Made sure I went to class, study up, joined the army. Murray's belong in the army, apparently. Proudest moment they ever had was when I was selected for the project.

...I never really got in touch with them again after. They probably thought I was KIA or something. Not that they'd be wrong.

[tactical_alert]

You were busy. You were all busy. They would've understood.

[goddamngrenades]

Mom introduced me to encryption. Something she was working on when I was bored at home as a kid. Told me how it worked and went back to trying to crack it- I had no idea what it was. I thought it was a game so I fiddled. Took me a week, but I cracked it.

After that it was something we had in common. Dad would talk about how this or that was built or how the code was designed and mom would get me more to try and crack. Got real good at it too.

To them being picked as the sole infiltration expert for a top secret project was awesome. And for a long time I thought it was too. [ He shrugs. ] They make it out okay, I"m pretty sure. That's enough for me.