True enough. [ He cracks a smile, leaning back into the sofa. This is nice. He's glad Malcolm's trying, that he's comfortable. Probably better they're doing it like this than a fancy restaurant. ] Last slice is yours.
What, and miss all the fun? [ It's a little late in the game for him to swap specialties. He's a soldier now. That's not going to change. Sitting back and building while other people go get shot isn't how he could do things. ] Nah.
[He feels like he should have some sort of witty comeback for that, but he's got nothing. Which part of it is hanging him up, the dating part? The 'thought you'd find the shady underground totally hot' part? Maybe he should full disclosure on himself and XXX.]
You're still not sure about the 'dating a guy' thing, so I'm not assuming you have a particular kind of guy you'd find attractive based on their profession. [ He shrugs. ] It was a joke, babe.
[ Okay, did not see that happening. Clearly there is more to the story. York turns and drops his hands to his lap, brows raised but otherwise calm. ]
So somewhere in with them being violent on the network and being unhealthily into you something happened once. They were kinda- well actually no they were really good about not having tells by way of gender, ethnicity, or age. I did not see the guy that's in prision thing coming. I figured he'd be younger.
It doesn't change how I think of you, Malcolm. Changes how I think of that asshole. I'm pretty sure no matter how you slice it there was some kind of coercion involved.
[ He reaches out, rests his hand on Malcolm's. ]
We can talk about something else if you like- but if you wanna tell me what happened? That's fine.
No, I--could have gotten away with ease. He was very forward, but I didn't have to stay. And I stayed. He was very, ah, high off of some potent painkillers. And I stayed.
Never thought I'd be giving mutual backalley handjobs to a crazed serial killer. [that sure is a laugh at himself he gives.]
Sorry. Trying to make awful things slightly less awful's a habit- sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
[ Fuck it not working before, he tugs Malcolm's hand up again to kiss his fingers, quick and easy before letting go. ]
It must have been complicated. I mean- you talked to them more than anyone else, I think. You had a good idea of who they were other than what they presented themselves to be, right? I only ever saw the creepy violent shit.
Really? I never thought about it that way. I like hands. In my line of work hands are pretty damn vital. You twitch a finger wrong and the whole encryption will lock up. [ He shrugs, having never really thought about it. ] I like you, I like your hands, you don't want me kissing your mouth so.
That was something gentlemen and women did back in the day, kiss knuckles. That's just what you make me think of.
I don't know how I feel about how the kissing felt nice. So I'm overthinking the whole thing and really just need to dive in head first. But it's not like I can just will myself to stop thinking and thinking.
I kinda figured that out awhile ago. I'm just not sure why.
[ He reaches over to curl his hand around malcolm's neck, give him a little tug close. Not going in for a kiss, just. Headbutt of love. Forehead to forehead. ]
You're fine. Really. How you are is how you are but- you deserve nice things. To enjoy good things. This could be a good ting. Even if it's never as big a deal for you as it is for me.
[He gives a sigh and a little nod against York. He knows he's right. Just like Carolina was right. Actually changing to be able to accept that, however, is hardly an overnight job.]
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Was that a joke, or do you actually think that?
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Unless there was an actual THING that happened, really. Did a thing happen?
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[He pulls away from York's hold, feeling disgusted with himself. But it's out there now.]
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So somewhere in with them being violent on the network and being unhealthily into you something happened once. They were kinda- well actually no they were really good about not having tells by way of gender, ethnicity, or age. I did not see the guy that's in prision thing coming. I figured he'd be younger.
[ a beat ]
Do you wanna talk about it?
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Is that something I should have kept keeping to myself?
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[ He reaches out, rests his hand on Malcolm's. ]
We can talk about something else if you like- but if you wanna tell me what happened? That's fine.
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Never thought I'd be giving mutual backalley handjobs to a crazed serial killer. [that sure is a laugh at himself he gives.]
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[ He curls his fingers around Malcolm's hand, lips twisted in a smile. ]
You do find my means of employment and status as a dangerous man hot.
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[ Fuck it not working before, he tugs Malcolm's hand up again to kiss his fingers, quick and easy before letting go. ]
It must have been complicated. I mean- you talked to them more than anyone else, I think. You had a good idea of who they were other than what they presented themselves to be, right? I only ever saw the creepy violent shit.
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Like how that still feels like you're kissing the hand of some royal lady.
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Hand.
I'll stop if it bugs you.
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I don't know how I feel about how the kissing felt nice. So I'm overthinking the whole thing and really just need to dive in head first. But it's not like I can just will myself to stop thinking and thinking.
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[ He reaches over to curl his hand around malcolm's neck, give him a little tug close. Not going in for a kiss, just. Headbutt of love. Forehead to forehead. ]
You're fine. Really. How you are is how you are but- you deserve nice things. To enjoy good things. This could be a good ting. Even if it's never as big a deal for you as it is for me.
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Love is a big deal.
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[ There's a wry twist to his lips that tells just how much York's pretty sure that'll never happen. ]
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