Oh, great. Not only was what they'd shared temporary, but it hadn't even been unique. He drains the sink and turns, rubbing at his face with one hand. "You don't have to worry," he says. There's a sick twist to his mouth, betrayal seething through him. "If he was as big an asshole to them afterward as he was to me. You can keep him."
"I'm not so sure I can. His heart does seem to wander." Not that he doesn't understand polyamory, but he just...wasn't okay with how it had been hidden. Like a guilty secret. "What even happened? Whose fault is it? Because I'm inclined to be angry at him, but you--"
It's not like North doesn't know what goes on in this house. And it sounded to him like North was just as much to blame. "I didn't think I'd have to worry about you sleeping with my boyfriend."
He shakes his head, crossing an arm over the other to grip it, turning his head to stare somewhere away. "It was a reflection," he says. "I didn't know about touching the reflections and I touched it."
"People keep saying that. What the hell does it mean?" he demands, setting down his coffee mug with more force than he intends. "What, you touch it, and then you become it? You just became lovers for a short time?"
"More than that," he mutters. The timer goes off for the oatmeal and instead of getting out the potholders he just reaches over and shuts the heat off on the oven with a jab of his finger. "When I saw it, it was just one scene, but when I touched the reflection it was everything. It was like an entire life history completely steeped into my bones. You couldn't get away from it if you tried."
"That's all it takes? You touch it, and then, that's it? It clearly doesn't last, or you two would still be talking. More than talking." A thought floats in about how maybe they'd be doing more together than he does with York, but it soothes away. Doesn't get rid of the confusion, the hurt, the anger. "You thought you were in love."
"We didn't think it, we were. God, I've never..." No, but sharing that is too private, too vulnerable, too close. Malcolm doesn't need to know how deep and abiding that love was, how impossibly bright and beautiful. Especially since it seems York so easily slips into that kind of rapture in multiple lifetimes. Or maybe it simply hadn't been the same for him. York so easily gave in to impulses, he can't even know if that's what it was for him.
North shakes his head. "Anyway, it doesn't matter, because when it went away he threw it in my face. Like it was my fault."
"It isn't real. Maybe it felt like it was real, but it's just another life, another life that isn't yours, isn't here. And it's no surprise that York didn't want to talk about it. Apparently he likes to wait until he's good and drunk to talk about anything, otherwise he just wants to run away." Maybe York just fell in love too easily. Maybe he--maybe it doesn't matter now. Maybe North is right.
"If it had just been running, that would have been one thing." He moves to get his breakfast out of the oven, lifting it onto the counter and watching it steam off. "Looking at in retrospect I never should have done it. But it's in the past. I can't change it."
Okay, this guy is really pissing him off. "Fuck, man, what do you want out of me? I already shared more than I was comfortable sharing because I thought it would make you feel better. He ruined our friendship. Is that what you want to hear? Do I need to enumerate all the ways in particular that he fucked things up?" North takes the potholder and picks up his oatmeal and his coffee and shoves past Malcolm. "I'm going to go eat breakfast."
"You know, maybe all I want is a sincere bloody apology!" he calls after. "York can say he's sorry all he wants, and Loki isn't here to apologize, and Delta probably isn't going to, and neither is bloody Foxtrot, but maybe someone should say sorry for fucking me over in my own relationship!"
He puts his dishes down on the table and frowns at him. "I don't blame you for wanting that. I was wrong to do what I did. And I am sorry. But badgering me about the aftermath was a bad idea on your part, okay?"
"Seems like the past day and a half has been all about bad ideas. I guess I just needed to get in on the fun." He picks up his mug again, thankfully not cracked, and takes a long gulp to try and settle himself down. He lets himself deflate, just a bit. Still bitter, still frustrated. But not as fiery. "Sorry about the badgering." Even if he feels justified in it. "And thank you for the apology." Acceptance pending.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Day 158 | Morning | Action
Day 158 | Morning | Action
It's not like North doesn't know what goes on in this house. And it sounded to him like North was just as much to blame. "I didn't think I'd have to worry about you sleeping with my boyfriend."
Day 158 | Morning | Action
Day 158 | Morning | Action
Day 158 | Morning | Action
Day 158 | Morning | Action
Day 158 | Morning | Action
North shakes his head. "Anyway, it doesn't matter, because when it went away he threw it in my face. Like it was my fault."
Day 158 | Morning | Action
Day 158 | Morning | Action
Day 158 | Morning | Action
Day 158 | Morning | Action
Day 158 | Morning | Action
Day 158 | Morning | Action
Day 158 | Morning | Action
Day 158 | Morning | Action
Day 158 | Morning | Action
Day 158 | Morning | Action
Day 158 | Morning | Action
Day 158 | Morning | Action