"You've never hurt me like this. Not on purpose." He has to own up to the fact that he has to have hurt Malcolm badly in all this. Groveling can come later, honesty comes now.
"You are, mal. So good to me. Better than I deserve." That's obvious by how mal is at least taking to him instead of letting him pack and run like he would have otherwise. "I don't know about North. That wasn't me. It was someone I could have been but wasn't and saying something like that was a bullet to the foot. A subconscious attempt to fuck this up."
Bless the good sense he had to talk this through with his therapist first. He doubles back, takes a slow breath, and offers Malcolm his hand. "I can't trust anything about what I might think or feel about her, or what she might feel about me. I kept seeing- and she felt a life where she left the project with me. We ran away and started a family and seeing that had us both a little fucked up."
Good there's just so much all fucked up in his head, he doesn't know where to start.
"You're different because you have never wanted or expected anything from me but honesty and decency. I haven't always delivered, I know. But I want to keep trying." He swallows. "For you. Because you honestly make me happy, no strings attached. Because it's not stilted with us- we're on even ground. When I'm not being a shit. And I'm so sorry for trying to make it hard."
Day 157 Evening
"You are, mal. So good to me. Better than I deserve." That's obvious by how mal is at least taking to him instead of letting him pack and run like he would have otherwise. "I don't know about North. That wasn't me. It was someone I could have been but wasn't and saying something like that was a bullet to the foot. A subconscious attempt to fuck this up."
Bless the good sense he had to talk this through with his therapist first. He doubles back, takes a slow breath, and offers Malcolm his hand. "I can't trust anything about what I might think or feel about her, or what she might feel about me. I kept seeing- and she felt a life where she left the project with me. We ran away and started a family and seeing that had us both a little fucked up."
Good there's just so much all fucked up in his head, he doesn't know where to start.
"You're different because you have never wanted or expected anything from me but honesty and decency. I haven't always delivered, I know. But I want to keep trying." He swallows. "For you. Because you honestly make me happy, no strings attached. Because it's not stilted with us- we're on even ground. When I'm not being a shit. And I'm so sorry for trying to make it hard."